About Worry

Most of us worry occasionally when difficult situations arise, but some people worry constantly. They "borrow trouble from the future," sending out radar to locate a devastating event. Even worse, they might subconsciously create a difficult situation just so they can have something "real" to worry about. This kind of worrying is an incredible drain on time and energy - so why would anyone make it a habit? It's not a natural state of human life nor is it positive or constructive. In order to feel worried, you have to be thinking one or more of the following: You have to assume that something bad might happen in the future; that someone or something will be harmed; that if you worry hard enough, somehow you'll keep bad things from happening; and/or that if you don't worry, you don't really care.

A spectrum of responses to difficulty ranges from complacency to concern to worry. Complacency is burying one's head in the sand and ignoring, which can be irresponsible or even dangerous. The difference between concern and the extreme end of the spectrum, worry, is distinct: Concern involves the mind and denotes an interest in and caring about a person or situation, while worry involves unpleasant emotions - fear, fretting, and anxiety. Concern is solution-oriented, appropriate, and constructive. Worry is problem-oriented, stressful, and counterproductive. Fortunately, there are strategies for reducing worry. Because worry is a well-practiced habit, it is critical to frequently practice whatever strategy you choose. Some strategies are: Catch your worrying early. As is the nature of habits, we are often not aware of when the worry begins. The longer an episode of worrying lasts, the more the habit is strengthened. In applying any worry-reducing method, the earlier the worry is noticed, the greater the chance of switching it off before it becomes an obsession. Count your worrying. Keep track of how often you worry during the day. At the end of the day, write down the total and watch the trend over a number of days. This is helpful as a way to recognize how much time you spend worrying and to gauge the success of your strategy. Limit your worrying to a 30-minute "worry period." Choose a particular time and place each day where you can worry for one-half hour and not do anything else. Then, as you catch yourself at the beginning of a worry, remind yourself that there is no need to worry about it now. There are other matters of importance to tend to and saving it for the "worry period" will most likely lead to better solutions. Attend to the immediate environment. Become increasingly aware of the difference between attending to what immediately exists and attending to what does not exist except in your thoughts and images. Problem-solve during your worry period. Start attacking the strength of your worry by listing them and distinguishing between those which you can do something about and those you cannot. Then explore what steps you can take to reduce the likelihood of the bad event and talk to someone for another perspective on the reasonableness of the worry or for possible solutions. Decide on a plan of action for the next few days. Try cognitive restructuring. This involves a few steps: Ask yourself a few questions: Am I continually worrying because I do not want to be viewed as uncaring? And if so, can I separate caring about someone from feeling compelled to worry about them? Am I worrying about something that can be resolved with effective action? And if I do not know how to resolve it myself, why am I not asking others for help? Write down the specific thoughts associated with the worrying. What is it exactly you are saying to yourself? Now take each thought and apply logic. What is the evidence for the thought? Has the event happened before and is it logical to believe it will happen in the future? Even if the event does happen, could you handle it? What could you do to minimize the effects? A year afterward, should it happen, what difference will it make in your life? As you answer each question, create a new thought from the ones that indicate things will work out and you have ways to cope if the event happens. Write them down beside the worrisome thoughts you previously wrote down. Track the outcome of your worries. During your worry period, write down every event that you are worrying about and list beside it all possible outcomes, good or bad. Keep track also of what actually occurred and how you handled it. Just to keep perspective, remember the words of the French philosopher, Montaigne: "My life has been a series of catastrophes - most of which never happened." It is likely you will discover that few things turned out as badly as you feared and even if they did, you were capable of handling them quite well.