Victimhood

My friend Judy and I were on a raft in the ocean.  When we decided to head for shore, we realized that we were farther out than we thought and our minimal efforts were making no headway.  We began kicking vigorously.  Suddenly it began pouring rain and we grumbled, “Oh, great.  It hasn’t rained all week and now it starts.”  With thoughts of lightning and high winds, we continued until we were exhausted.  When we rested for a moment the rain stopped.  When we started kicking again, it resumed.  This pattern continued until we sheepishly realized that the “rain” was simply water we were kicking back on ourselves.  It was an “aha!” moment.  How often had I caused the “rain” in my own life and then wondered why it had to be me cold and drenched?

The Stella Awards, named after Stella Liebeck, who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds for the burns, lists the most frivolous, successful lawsuits in the United States.  Though humorous, it is an accurate illustration of our entitled culture.  Kathleen Robertson, of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle by tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store.  The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler was Ms. Robertson’s son. Nineteen-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.  Mr. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps. Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage.  He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning.  He couldn’t re-enter the house because the door locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, so Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days, subsisting on a case of  cola and a bag of dry dog food.  He sued the homeowner’s insurance company, claiming undue mental anguish.  The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.  A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson $113,000 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her tailbone.  The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. We have become a nation of victims.  Ofer Zur, Ph.D., in his research on the culture of victimhood, notes that the incessant cry for empathy and justice has created a compassion fatigue, which interferes with helping those who truly need and deserve our help.  In many cases people do not contribute in any way to the tragedies they experience.  But in as many cases, people do and the ability to recognize our contribution to the difficulties in our lives is not mandated, but may be the only way to significantly improve our futures.  The platform of victimhood states:  It is not my fault.  I have been wrong and I am owed.  Again, sometimes this is true, but blanket validation of this stance by individuals, groups, and systems that thrive on the victim industry creates helpless, incapable creatures.  If  we cannot identify our contributions to our difficulties, we have no power to change anything.  In addition we are likely to be victimized over and over, as victimizers have an uncanny ability to spot victims from a mile away. The platform of empowerment does not involve beating ourselves up for every hardship we experience, but it does involve a conscious decision to identify and take responsibility for any part we have may played in the situation and, most importantly, do something about it.  As an example, a bad childhood is a common defense for all manner of problems.  While it is true that we do not choose our origins, we can and do control our destinations.  Defense mechanisms, warped perceptions and manipulative patterns of the past are difficult to overcome, but courage and determination have allowed countless people to avoid sharing those legacies with future generations. Victimhood is a complex issue.  It is not so much an issue of right or wrong, of blame or non-blame, as it is an issue of what we choose to do with the cards we are dealt.  We can live in the unfairness of it and get stuck in victimhood or we can, through introspection, perseverance and perhaps professional help, empower ourselves to take charge of our lives and our futures.