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The loss of loved ones, natural disasters …so many things in
life that affect our well-being are not in our control. The good news
is this: we can greatly influence our own mental and emotional health
by learning to adopt habits and attitudes that foster wellness.
- Keep expectations of yourself and others realistic. Unrealistic
expectations lead to disappointment and feelings of failure. A friend,
Dana, has a mother-in-law, Kate, who frequently demeans her. Kate
will seemingly stop at nothing to hurt Dana, even ridiculing Dana's
children, her own grandchildren. Dana obliges by being outraged
and devastated at each attack. What she expects is love and acceptance
from someone incapable of that much selflessness and so each time
Kate releases her venom, Dana feels the sting as sharply as the
first time. Her other unrealistic expectation is of herself - she
believes that somehow she can do or say the right thing that will
make Kate stop her shenanigans. Hopefully, Dana will adjust her
expectations of herself and her mother-in-law to accommodate reality.
- Develop realistic goals and set out to achieve them, one day
at a time. Good self-esteem doesn't come from others telling
you how wonderful you are. It comes from trusting yourself and your
ability to accomplish what you set out to do. It comes from doing
the next right thing in front of you to do that will lead you to
where you want to be. Feeling good about yourself requires action
on your part.
- Learn to accept the changes in your life. Change is inevitable
and provides invaluable opportunities for growth. Resisting change
takes a lot of energy and can leave you feeling frustrated and sad.
- Release the anger and the resentments. This doesn't mean
you are saying that it is okay that people have hurt you; it simply
means you are willing to acknowledge that you are not in charge
of others' behaviors nor their punishment, that you are willing
to love yourself enough to let go of the toxic waste of anger and
resentment that is poisoning your mind, spirit, and probably your
body, as well. Remember the things for which you have been forgiven
and how precious that gift is.
- Surround yourself with positive thoughts and positive people.
Gravitate toward people who are uplifting and supportive and away
from those who operate in negativity. And resist seeing people and
situations in the worst possible light. Sort out what is reality
and what is negativity.
- Take responsibility for yourself. People and things can
be enjoyable, but resist relinquishing responsibility for your happiness
to them. Likewise, resist blaming others for your unhappiness. Background
and circumstances may influence who you are, but you are responsible
for who you become.
- Choose to be a good friend to yourself. It is self-defeating
to dwell on your mistakes and imperfections. Be as kind, comforting,
understanding, and forgiving with yourself as you would be with
the people you love the very most.
- Learn to laugh, especially at yourself. Research shows
that laughter can boost your immune system, ease pain, relax your
body, and reduce stress. It is said that angels can fly because
they take themselves lightly.
- Take good care of your body. We cannot separate the health
of the mind from the health of the body. Just as emotional difficulty
can contribute to physical illness, many physical problems contribute
to emotional distress and can be avoided by a healthy diet, exercise,
and good sleeping habits.
- If you are experiencing emotional difficulty, talk to someone.
Feeling depressed or anxious is not shameful, but it is a shame
to refuse to get help. Treatment is effective. People can recover
from mental disorders and lead full, productive lives.
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