|
As Mary and Sam often point out, their experiences with Paul are
not unique. Each year millions and millions of Americans have family
members who are diagnosed with a mental illness and a roller coaster
of emotions ensues. Sam and Mary say that their initial reaction was
denial, believing that Paul had just been overly stressed by academic
demands and could be back on his feet in no time with the proper love
and care. When they could no longer deny the illness, they felt angry,
embarrassed, and ashamed. Embarrassed by how they felt others' would
react, they kept Paul's condition a secret. Outwardly they asked each
other, "How could this have happened in a normal, happy family?
What have we done to deserve this tragedy?" But only inwardly
did they dare entertain their most unbearable fear; that somehow they
had caused this illness in their son.
This family's journey had been marked by mountains and valleys,
hope and despair, and always a desire to help others in similar circumstances.
I pass along their wisdom, as well as the wisdom of many other families
who have loved ones with mental illness.
- Avoid the trap of shame and isolation. If there was ever
a time to reach out for support and a listening ear, it is now.
In the past, families have protected their loved ones from the damaging
effects of the stigma of mental illness; fewer families must resort
to those measures nowadays. Fortunately, the negative stigma has
drastically changed - research and the development of new and more
effective treatments have changed the concept that families or the
individuals themselves are to blame for brain disorders.
- Develop an attitude balanced with realism and hope. Psychiatric
research has proven that recovery from mental illness is possible.
However, each person has a different rate of recovery. It is important
to accept the varying degrees of recovery and to never give up on
your loved one's journey to mental health. Convey this balanced
outlook to your loved one. To avoid relapse and promote recovery,
maintain a low-key environment. An overly watchful and intense eye,
or expressing excessive concern or excessive enthusiasm, can be
as stressful as rejection or conflict.
- Be sensitive to the needs of all family members. Avoid
allowing the mental illness to be the focal point in the family
and avoid lowering your expectations of the loved one with mental
illness. Lowering your expectations or making excuses for inappropriate
or disrespectful behavior is, in the long run, most unkind; it sets
the individual up for outside rejection and provides affirmation
for negative stigma. In addition, it sends the message that you
don't have much faith or hope for the person.
- Take care of yourself! Get your own life going again. Develop
a program of self-care (e.g., sleep, nutrition, exercise, fun, and
random acts of kindness to others) and follow it. Say the "Serenity
Prayer" when things seem overwhelming. Above all, remember
that no one is to blame for the illness.
- Learn everything you can about mental illness and particularly,
the symptoms associated with your loved one's disorder. Be aware
of warning signs that may signal a downward turn because early intervention
is often vital. We will soon offer a Family to Family program in
Washington County. This is a free 12-week course for family and
friends of individuals with serious mental illness and is taught
by trained NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) family
members. This course offers support to family members and education
about mental illnesses and their treatment, coping skills, and advocacy
skills. A recent scientific evaluation of the program by the University
of Maryland School of Medicine and the Veterans' Administration
showed that participants gained a greater understanding of mental
illness, coped much better, worried less, and felt newly empowered
to advocate for better treatment and services for their loved one.
Sam and Mary teach this course in a different Ohio county and feel
that it saved their lives. If you would like to be informed of the
finalized plans for the Family to Family course, please call me
at (740) 374-6990.
If you have a family member who has a mental illness, there has
never been a better time to gain solid educational information and
support. Reach out. Become informed and become an advocate. Your support
may make a powerful difference to the many families who have walked
a mile in your shoes.
|
