How do you handle conflict? When asked what words or images we associate with the word "conflict," most people would respond with negative associations. In fact, many people spend their lives avoiding conflict.
All of our life experiences contribute to our belief systems - whether good or bad, true or false. Conflict occurs when we perceive our environment to be out of harmony with our belief system, but it is the process by which attempt to resolve conflicts that determines whether the conflict is a positive or a negative experience, not the conflict itself.
If resolution strategies are dysfunctional or ineffective, we experience negative results, leading to increased resentment and stress. But if we use functional resolution strategies, we can actually improve relationships and situations. The statements below reflect some of the different ways people deal with conflict. Read each statement and, using the scale below, decide how often each statement describes your attitude when dealing with conflict. 1 = never 2 = not very often 3 = sometimes 4 = often 5 = always ____ 1. It is easier to stay away from a fight than to have to back down from one. ____ 2. The best way to kill your enemies is with kindness. ____ 3. Nobody has the whole answer to a problem, but everybody has a part of the answer. ____ 4. A disagreement is best settled when both people give in halfway. ____ 5. Arguments are won by people who believe the most in winning. ____ 6. Stay away from people who disagree with you. ____ 7. Gentleness will win over anger. ____ 8. You can only learn from other people if you are willing to admit that you might be wrong. ____ 9. Getting part of what you want is better than not getting anything at all. ____10. Do not back down from an argument. Make your stand and stay there. ____11. Nothing is so important that you have to fight for it. ____12. If someone hits you with a stone, hit him with a piece of cotton. ____13. Be bold, honest, and trusting, and you will be able to move mountains. ____14. Disagreements are settled fairly when people meet somewhere in the middle; both parties can't get everything they want. ____15. There are two kinds of people in the world, the winners and the losers. Now record your responses below by the corresponding number of the statement and add up your column totals.

Avoiding Turtle 1________ 6________ 11_______ Total_____	Accommodating Teddy Bear 2_______ 7_______ 12______ Total____	Collaborting Owl 3_______ 8_______ 13______ Total____	Compromising Fox 4_______ 9_______ 14______ Total____	Competing Shark 5_______ 10______ 15______ Total____
The columns with the highest totals indicate your most common conflict resolution traits, as described below: Avoiding Turtles: Withdraw to avoid conflict, believe that resolving conflicts is generally hopeless, tend to give up on personal goals and relationships, and feel helpless. Accommodating Teddy Bears: Think that relationships are very important, but their own goals are not; want to be liked and accepted; believe that conflicts can hurt relationships and will give up their own goals to save a relationship. Collaborating Owls: Believe that both their own goals and relationships are very important, think of conflicts as problems to be solved, believe that conflicts can be good for relationships, and feel strongly that bad feelings need to be completely resolved. Compromising Foxes: Feel concerned about their goals and personal relationships, try very hard to get people in conflict to meet each other halfway, are willing to give up their own goals, and look for middle ground to resolve conflicts. Competing Sharks: Overpower and attack people who oppose them, refuse to give up their goals, no matter what. Do not value personal relationships, are not concerned about the needs of other people, do not need to be liked, and feel proud if they win and ashamed if they lose. When looking at the continuum from turtles to sharks, it is important to acknowledge that sticking with only one type of response to conflict is not always the best; different ways of handling disputes are needed for different disputes and different disputants. Generally speaking, the most effective and productive responses lie in the middle with the teddy bears, owls, and foxes. We must remember that, providing the conflict strategy is an effective one, conflict can be a powerful opportunity for personal growth and building stronger relationships.