- Parental support and involvement. Studies show that students
whose parents are involved in schools are more likely to resist negative
peer pressure, more likely to graduate and to go to college, and less
likely to have learning and behavioral problems. They also have better
school attendance and do more homework. Ask your children how their
school day went, talk to their teachers, attend parent-teacher conferences
and school events, and seek ways to volunteer your time and talents.
It is comforting and strengthening to children to know that their
parents care about all aspects of their lives.
- Good study skills. Many children need help building the organizational
and time management skills needed for homework. Encourage your child
to schedule a specific time each day and designate a quiet, comfortable,
well-lit place to do homework without distraction. Your child may
profess to be able to masterfully complete homework with the CD player
and the television blaring. This is unlikely. Offer to help your children
with homework but do not do it for them. We've all seen those elaborate
dioramas that a first-grade child couldn't have possibly created.
Sooner or later our children will stand on their own. Don't cripple
them now.
- Clear and consistent boundaries. In a recent nationwide
survey of students in grades 6 - 12, over half reported having enough
or too much freedom. Children need and want family boundaries; they
feel safe and cared for within the bounds of family rules. Boundaries
and consequences should be brief and consistently followed. If they
are complicated or ignored, parents leave room for loopholes and arguments.
- Integrity. Integrity means conducting your life in a truthful
and dependable manner and doing the right thing, even when it is difficult
or unpopular. Parents are in a perfect position to help their children
build integrity by simply modeling this asset and by holding their
children accountable for their words and deeds. This means refusing
to lie for your child or to automatically take your child's side against
school authorities. It is astonishing how angry some parents become
at school officials when their children are caught cheating or lying.
Get your ego out of what your child does. Do you want your child to
be temporarily out of trouble and happy with you or do you want your
child to learn how bad choices can affect his/her life and make healthier
decisions?
- High expectations. Something about expecting good things
from children brings out the best in them. They see that you truly
believe in them and they are enabled to feel more capable and willing
to take positive risks. A profoundly hurtful message is sent to children
when nothing or too much is expected of them. We are either saying
that they are worthless or that they will never be good enough to
gain our approval. Either way, the message is one of rejection.
Likewise, we must not expect perfection of ourselves as parents. Often
we walk blindly with only a heart full of love to guide us, but it is
that love that will ultimately cover a multitude of our mistakes. We
must set high expectations for ourselves so that we constantly search
our souls and learn new skills in our quest to help our children be
the best they can be.
|
