| Bart is already 15 minutes late for an appointment. He
stops for two minutes at a railroad crossing, making him 17 minutes
late. When he arrives at the appointment, he apologizes for being late
and blames it all on the long, slow-moving train. Bart is already 15
minutes late for an appointment. He stops for two minutes at a railroad
crossing, making him 17 minutes late. When he arrives at the appointment,
he apologizes for being late and blames it all on the long, slow-moving
train. |
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Carrie's friend Marge has a son who is very angry with his mother.
He stops by to visit Carrie to discuss the situation with her. Later
Marge complains to Carrie that her son won't even talk to her and
asks Carrie if she has spoken to him recently. Carrie says she has
not.
We call them white lies or half-truths. We are not being 100 percent
honest, but we offer good excuses for them. In the first case, Bart
is implying that he would have been on time had it not been for the
train, an out-and-out lie…he would have been 15 minutes late
instead of 17 minutes. His excuse may be that his lie did not hurt
anyone. In the second case, Carrie may plead that she was only trying
to save Marge from hurt feelings. The truth of the matter is that
all human behavior is primarily driven by the desire to get something
we want or avoid something we do not want, and lying is no exception.
Bart does not want people to know how lax and irresponsible he is
in his time management and Carrie doesn't want Marge to accuse her
of being disloyal because she met with Marge's estranged son. And
so they lie.
Below are four very important reasons to practice honesty in our lives:
- Be honest to avoid complicating your life. Most of us would
say we are basically honest, but even small falsehoods can grow
and infiltrate the small cracks in our character. Let's say that
Marge is also a friend of Carrie's neighbor who saw the son visit
Carrie and mentioned it to Marge, who then confronted Carrie angrily….as
you can see, the excuse for the "white lie" is gone. Marge
is now twice as hurt as she would have been if Carrie had simply
admitted that the son visited her. What can Carrie do now? Deny
that the son visited her at all and hope the neighbor doesn't call
her on it? Say he came by to borrow a book? Unless Carrie counts
her losses and owns up to the truth at this point, she must tell
an even bigger, more complicated lie to cover up the first one.
She had better start a fib journal, too, so she can keep track of
the lies. Sir Walter Scott aptly stated, "Oh what a tangled
web we weave when first we practice to deceive."
- Be honest to gain respect and credibility. Aristotle said,
"…men have sufficient natural instinct for what is true,
and usually do arrive at the truth." The one thing liars do
not understand is that practically everyone knows they are lying
and it casts doubt on everything they say, true or false. It causes
others to distrust them and withhold even the simplest bit of information
from them for fear it will be distorted. If we want people to trust
and respect us, we must be trustworthy and respectable.
- Be honest to ground yourself in reality. If you practice
dishonesty, how can you expect to recognize the truth when you see
it? Being deceitful may seem like a quick, easy way to get what
you want, but the price is enormous. Deceitfulness taints your perceptions
of the world around you, inhibits you from living in reality, and
in the long run, harms you more than anyone else.
- Be honest to make the world a better place. Honesty will
provide you with a powerful tool - your word. If your word is impeccable
you have the power to encourage and empower others. If you tell
someone you are there for her when she needs you, she will trust
you to be there for her. If you tell someone that he is loved and
valued, he will believe you. You will be in a wonderful position
to lift up a hurting spirit and to sow the seeds of trust in a wary
heart. And that kind of goodness tends to be passed on.
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