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It is very early on December 25th. The stockings have
not been hung by the chimney with care, in fact, they haven't
even been stuffed. Neither has the turkey, and the family will
be arriving to eat in less than 12 hours. You've maxed out your
MasterCard on Christmas presents and last year's presents have
not yet been paid off. You wonder why it feels like there is
a dark, heavy weight in your heart, where there should be merriment
and light.
Most of us strive to make the holidays the best time
of the year. We spend, decorate, bake and plan for the "perfect"
holiday, which exists only in books, movies, television shows,
and our own ideals of what "should" be. Somehow we
have transformed what was once a time for simple joy and pleasure
into a season of excesses - eating, drinking, fretting, spending,
and expecting too much. |
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It is not surprising that depression and anxiety are
widespread during the holiday season. Christmas can be painful
for those who have lost a loved one through death, divorce, or
relocation. Coping with separation and loss may be particularly
magnified during this time of year when loved ones traditionally
gather together. Many people feel pressured to celebrate while
their world is falling down around them. Emotional stress and
strain are not unusual during the holidays and may be lessened
by following these few suggestions.
- Form realistic expectations. The
disappointments that result from unrealistic holiday expectations
are probably the greatest contributors to the stress. If you
have recently lost a loved one, do not expect to feel jolly.
Christmas does not provide a "time-out" for grief.
If your spouse and your mother tend to squabble when they are
together, incorporate that into your vision of the family get-together.
It is doubtful that your spouse's and your mom's personalities
will have undergone an overhaul since they last met.
- Practice moderation in your activities,
eating, and drinking. Getting overtired bloated,
or hung-over practically guarantees emotional stress and strain.
Practice moderation particularly in your spending habits. Understand
that there does not have to be a correlation between your love
for your children and the amount of money you spend on their
presents. In truth, deluging our children with expensive presents
may serve to foster greed and an unattractive sense of entitlement.
It is not helpful or loving to overspend and then feel overwhelmed
and anxious by debts.
- Prioritize. Make a list of
what must be done or purchased and what would just be a nice
bonus. Proceed to tackle the list of essentials and, if you
have the time and resources, work on the bonuses later. Do not
allow exhaustion or bankruptcy to be a holiday option.
- Do not compare yourself to others.
If your friend Harold buys his wife a new car for Christmas,
do not stack yourself up against him and feel cheap or stingy.
Generosity of spirit is more impressive than generosity of credit
card, any day. If your neighbor Mary bakes 50 dozen of ten
different types of cookies, don't feel a twinge of "neglectful
homemaker" guilt because you only made snickerdoodles.
In comparing the two baking practices, one can not make any conclusive
statements about which represents more character or a more loving
heart. Do what is in your heart and within your timeline to
do, regardless of what other people do.
- Remember what the holiday season represents.
In this last holiday season of the twentieth century,
may we all reflect quietly on the true messages of Christmas…kindness,
grace, integrity, and hope for the future.
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