Changing the Face of Fear
Years ago I had a dream that forever altered my response to fear. I dreamed I was with my three small children in the kitchen of my childhood home. There appeared in the picture window a huge bear that shook the house when it growled. I quickly took my children to a room on the opposite side of the house, but the bear was so large that I could still see its back end through the window. I was terrified, but something told me I had to do something. Still frightened, I walked back to the kitchen and smiled at the creature. Almost immediately, the bear turned and began walking through the back yard to the creek. Then an amazing thing happened - the bear began shrinking until, by the time it reached the creek, it was the size of a small puppy.
I have never before or since had a dream that so powerfully taught me. In fact, I rarely have a dream that is not just out and out ridiculous. What I learned was that regardless of how terrified I am, I must face the fear and take action. It was also significant to me that after facing the bear, it not only retreated but also became diminished. Fear is an interesting thing. It is contagious and palpable and is passed from one generation to the next. We all know people who live fearful lives and are robbed of much of their potential success and happiness because of their fear. If allowed, fear can hop into the driver's seat, assume control, and alter the course of a person's life. I imagine that many of these people were taught from an early age that the world is a frightening place to be, that fearing and fretting may somehow ward off impending catastrophes. Fear can be a legitimate and functional emotion. It is a natural and healthy response to perceived danger and can mean the difference between life and death if we can avoid being overwhelmed and paralyzed. The following are points we can strive to remember when we are afraid: Fear is only useful if it is followed by action. Limit your fear to being a warning signal that must be followed by some action on your part. Don't wait for the fear to dissipate before taking action. Take the action first - the feeling will follow. Ask yourself what is totally out of your control and what measures can be taken, no matter how small. Fear can be better dealt with if it is acknowledged. I have a tendency to quickly turn my fear into anger. It feels more powerful to be ticked off than to be cowering. The problem is that my choices are limited to terror or hostility. I believe it is healthy to say, "Yes, I am afraid, but I can be stronger than my fear. I will do all that I can do to remedy this situation, no matter how scared I feel." Fear is not always rational, but rational information can relieve fear. Often the fears we carry with us into adulthood are the result of past frightening experiences and anecdotal information from others, either of which could have been inaccurately perceived. Educate yourself about the things that you are afraid of. For example, if you are afraid of lightning, do research. How often does lightning harm people and under what circumstances? Where is the safest place for you to go when it is lightning? Excessive fearfulness may be a sign of an anxiety disorder, which should be treated by a mental health professional. But for many, revamping their responses to and perceptions of fear may avert many moments of worry and fright.